Resources
Grief is messy, and unfortunately there's no manual, so we decided to make our own! Here are tips, guides, books, and support for the hard days. Take what helps and leave the rest. You're not alone here.
In a really dark place? Call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, free and 24/7.
New to grief? Start here
First things first: there's no right way to do this. Whatever you're feeling right now is normal, even if it feels like way too much or weirdly like nothing at all.
Grief doesn't follow a timeline. Forget the "stages." It's less of a straight line and more of a scribble.
Grief brain is real. Forgetting things, losing your keys, not being able to focus at work? Totally normal.
It shows up in random places. The grocery aisle with their favorite snack. A song in a coffee shop. Their handwriting on an old birthday card.
You can laugh and cry in the same five minutes. Feeling joy doesn't mean you miss them any less.
You don't have to do it alone. Finding people who just get it makes a world of difference. That's what we're here for.
Griever's tips for the random Tuesdays
The big days are hard, but sometimes it's the random Tuesdays that knock the wind out of you. Here's what helps.
Plan ahead for the hard dates. Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, Mother's and Father's Day. Decide in advance how you want to spend them, even if the plan is "stay in bed and order takeout."
Say their name. Talk about them, tell their stories, keep them part of the conversation. It's okay if it makes other people uncomfortable.
Have your griefy go-tos ready. The comfort show, the playlist, the snack, the friend you can text "bad grief day" with zero explanation.
Give yourself permission to say no. You don't owe anyone your presence at the party, the brunch, or the group chat.
Find ways to keep them close. Cook their recipe, wear their sweater, write them a letter, visit their favorite spot. Keep traditions alive in their honor.
Move your body when you can. A walk outside counts. So does crying in the shower.
Be gentle with yourself. If you got out of bed today, that counts too.
Caregiver's guide
Caring for someone you love while they're sick is hard in ways no one prepares you for.
Anticipatory grief
Sometimes grief starts before the loss. If someone you love is sick, you might find yourself grieving while they're still here. That's called anticipatory grief, and it's completely normal.
You might be grieving the future you pictured, the person they used to be, or the loss you can feel coming. It can look like sadness, anxiety, guilt, or even numbness. You can hold hope, love them fiercely, and grieve all at the same time.
What I wish someone had told me
Fill your own cup. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Eat the meal, take the nap, step outside for ten minutes. Taking care of yourself is part of taking care of them.
Take lots of pictures and videos. Even on the hard days, even when it feels weird. One day you'll be so grateful to hear their voice and see their face again.
Ask questions. Ask the doctors, the nurses, the social workers. Ask until you understand. And ask your person the big questions too: their stories, their wishes, what they want you to know.
Try your best not to be in denial. It's so natural to hope, and you should. But being honest about what's happening lets you make the most of the time you have.
Stay present. Try not to start grieving before you need to. The time you have together is still time together.
Let people help. When someone says "let me know if you need anything," give them a real job: a meal, a ride, a pharmacy run.
Lean on hospice and palliative care teams. They support the whole family, not just the patient, and many offer grief support after a loss too.
How to support a grieving friend
Send this to the people in your life who want to help but don't know how.
Show up, even if you don't know what to say. "I'm so sorry, I'm here" is enough.
Skip the silver linings. "Everything happens for a reason" and "they're in a better place" usually hurt more than they help.
Say their person's name. We want to hear it. We promise.
Offer something specific. "I'm dropping off dinner Thursday" beats "let me know if you need anything."
Remember the hard dates. A text on their person's birthday or the anniversary means more than you know.
Keep checking in. The casseroles stop after a few weeks, but the grief doesn't. Month six and year two matter too.
Let them be sad. You don't have to fix it. Just sit in it with them.
Books & podcasts
Our favorite griefy reads and listens, for when you want to feel a little less alone.
Books
The Dead Moms Club by Kate Spencer. A funny, honest memoir from someone who lost her mom in her twenties. Feels like talking to a friend who gets it.
It's OK That You're Not OK by Megan Devine. A therapist and griever on why grief isn't something to fix. So validating.
The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion. A classic memoir about the year after losing her husband, and how grief messes with your mind.
Grief Is Love by Marisa Renee Lee. About losing her mom young and learning that grief is just love that keeps going.
Signs by Laura Lynne Jackson. For anyone who's ever wondered if their person is sending them little hellos.
The Hot Young Widows Club by Nora McInerny. A short, funny, real read on surviving loss. You can finish it in one sitting.
Motherless Daughters by Hope Edelman. The go-to for anyone who has lost their mom, at any age.
Resilient Grieving by Lucy Hone. Practical, research-backed tools from a resilience expert who lost her daughter.
The Wild Edge of Sorrow by Francis Weller. A beautiful look at grief as something sacred, and why we need community to carry it.
A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis. A short, raw journal written after losing his wife. Still hits decades later.
Podcasts
Ghosted with Emma Zeiger. Real conversations about the people we've lost, because grief shouldn't be quiet.
All There Is with Anderson Cooper. Anderson Cooper explores loss and grief through his own story and honest conversations with guests.
Good Grief with Amanda Kloots. Amanda, who lost her husband Nick Cordero to COVID in 2020, talks with celebrities, experts and everyday people about what grief can teach us.
Terrible, Thanks for Asking with Nora McInerny. Honest stories about the hard stuff, and how people actually get through it.
Griefcast with Cariad Lloyd. Comedians laugh, cry and talk about the loss and weirdness of grief.
Grief Is a Sneaky Bitch with Lisa Keefauver. Conversations reimagining grief, because it shows up in all of our lives.
Grief Out Loud from the Dougy Center. Personal stories, practical tips and expert interviews, with no platitudes.
Good Mourning. Friendship, connection and conversation for anyone navigating loss.
Need support right now?
Grief Glow is a peer community, not a replacement for professional care. If you're struggling, please reach out. You deserve support.
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988 (US), any time, day or night.
Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741741 to reach a trained crisis counselor.
Emergency: if you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 911.
Find a grief therapist: the Psychology Today directory lets you filter by grief and loss, location, and insurance.
Hospice bereavement programs: many local hospices offer free grief support to the community, even if your person wasn't in their care.